Twenty fifteen. I tried to remember all the things I’ve been through in 2014, and suddenly it has been 2015. Twenty fourteen was very important for me. It was a transition year, when I tried to cope myself with all the changes happened in 2013. Now that I looked back again, I feel relieved that I (seemingly) can pass it succesfully.

2014 was a year of self-nourishing. I traveled a lot. Joined charities. Re-connect with old friends and communities. Quitted my job. Study abroad. I knew I have made some significant decisions, yet it put me in the middle of even more new options.

Some moments of 2014

Some moments of 2014

You know, people always have choices. And it’s good to have many choices. But, there’s not much you can do with that choices if you don’t choose any of it.

Now that I come up with many choices, I just let it fly around me without really choose one of it. It’s like I come back to the stage when the world is laboratory, and all I did was just experimenting.

I haven’t finished with myself.

As I stated in my birthday post, sometimes it’s easy to just standing there, putting your feet on two boats, while enjoying both benefits from them. But river’s flow are getting faster, the boats are separating–and you will eventually fall down.

It’s the time to make a choice. You should jump off to one of the boat, staying there and sailing through the river.

In 2015 I make my choice. I choose which boat I’m going to stand on. I choose the path I want to walk on.

I will finish everything with myself, and start to make a real contribution to society.

May the blessing of God keep shielding me this year.

Twenty Three: On the Road to Find Out

Twenty Three: On the Road to Find Out

Here it is. Finally I’m coming to this stage, “twenty-three my age” 😛

This year has been going sooo long…with so many life-changing events, and so many lessons to be learned. First of all, somehow I miss my family more frequently than before. Probably because I start to live alone in Surabaya while my family is in Malang—even though it’s very close, dear—but you know it makes me more aware of how limited time we can spend together (just once a month). I miss my father, my sisters, my little cousins, even my mother. I always want to tell more stories to them every time I’m home. And somehow I just realize that my parents are getting older…

Second, I realize how important best friends are, especially when you’re far from family. They are your second family who will always help you surviving in your new place. I’m so relieved to have new besties in office you can trust easily and have fun together. Thank you Rahayu, Denok, Mba Wahyu, Mba Dyah, Mba Ayunda, Desi, Mas Andry… with you guys we have traveled to lotta places and thanks for being there in my lowest point :’) My work mates Mba Lilik, Ervina, Mba Melly, Ivan…thanks for supporting this immature child struggling for job and her personal life…we are the best export team ever! And also…Here I want to say special thanks for my very special best friend, Rahayu, who always give me a hand, an ear, everything she can while I went through this “weightful” year. Together we start our ‘adventure’ in this huge city of Surabaya…we tells everything share everything it’s gonna be different after you leave the job yuk…Really you’re my angel…and I know that I’m your devil…hahaha :p

And the third, I learn so so much about male. Boy, man, guy, or anything you called this kind of God’s creature, I learned a lot about them this year. Starting from break up, survival of break up, flirts, dates, love confession, and unpredictably break up again. Somehow I learn that “move on” is not as easy as get busy with your work and get close with other guys. I just realize that heart-break can even happened twice, in a range of 4 months, and still with the same guy. In this case, the girl is so so so foolish and I don’t wanna be that girl again. If you need longer time to move on, don’t pretend to be strong. Be dare to declare it and take as much distance as possible with your ex. I should hear what my friend said since the first. Keep hanging around with your ex will only let your heart breaks again and again. And trust me it’s a very painful feeling of re-opening scar—like you have to “rewind” what you think you have get over 4 months ago. Jumbo double attack.

The last, the most important, I found that I’m still “on the road to find out” (taken from Cat Stevens song title). The more I get along with elder people at work etc, the more I realize that I’m still immature. I feel like I always considered as ‘little kid’ and somehow it pisses me off. Yes this year is a life-changing event for me, I’m emotionally unstable, and I still have to learn how to handle my feeling and attitude. Also, I tried many things this year. I release my veil just to know how it feels to be just ‘ordinary girl’ without religious prejudice. I travel to many places, went shopping a lot, try make-ups and heels, blind dates, join new communities, watch more concerts, even participate in a cosplay party. Such a way of expressing yourself…? Find your true path…? I don’t know. I just wanna try something new.

Ah—everything will change. The future is way ahead. Many options to do, many choices to take, many dreams to achieve. No matter path you choose, Allah is guiding your way.